BFF's

God doesn't give you the people you want, He gives you the people you need. To help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you the person you were meant to be.

I saw the above phrase a week or so ago and knew it would be a great starter to this blog. As we are approaching the end of November, I am taking some time today to express my thankfulness for my Girl Friends! Once upon a time, I bought into the fairy tell that I should be liked by everyone and that it means everything to have lots of friends. I was walked on A LOT! I naturally began to prefer hanging out with guys as they are far less complicated. As the years have gone by, my view has changed, often with new milestones in my life (ie. marriage, kids, etc.). Through each stage of my life, I have made friends, loved friends, been hurt by friends, built friendships, hurt friends, lost friends, repaired friendships, gained new friends, outgrown friends, and on and on the cycle goes. This is why I love the phrase above: through all of my years, God has placed people around me who have each played a role (whether major or minor) in growing me into the person I am now. 

I have friendships that I have been sad to see go, but I try to hold on to the happy memories and hope that (if possible) these lost friendships may be restored one day. I have friendships that may not be as close as they once were due to miles between us or a change in circumstances, but we stay in touch and I enjoy catching up with them when we are able. I have new friendships that are still forming and I love getting to know them. I am Thankful for all of you and the ways you impact my life and encourage me, even if you aren't aware that you have!

Lastly, I have been extremely blessed with some AMAZING women whom I am proud to call BFF's. And when I say BFF, I mean Beautiful Fabulous Friends! I know they are here for me no matter what. They are honest with me, whether it is good or bad. They listen. They laugh. They hug. They cry. They pray. They Dance. LOL.They are wonderful! Have I been hurt by them? Yep. Have I hurt them? Yep. We are still human. But we talk about it and forgive each other. They are REAL friends. I am so very thankful for each of your friendships! You encourage me and bring joy each in your own special way! THANK YOU for being YOU!!

Framily

We made it to Turkey Day! I have missed a few 'days' of sharing reasons I am thankful but that is OK .. I really am trying to work on being aware of many blessings in my life. :)

Today I am thankful for Framily: my amazing friends that make up another family.  These are some fabulous families whom we do life with. Our kids play and are growing up together. We encourage and help each other. We hang out and have lots of fun together!  They are family by choice ... accepting one another for who they are because they want to, not just because they 'have' to.

Thank You God for blessing me with this amazing Framily!!! Love you all!!

Meet The In-Loves

So, I am a bit odd. I am one of those crazy people who doesn't shutter at the word In-law. I absolutely love mine!! And a few weeks ago, I heard the word In-love used in place of In-law and I have chosen to add it into my vocabulary. It really is so fitting, as we have become family through two people falling in love and getting married. That said, I am thankful today for my In-love family!! It is one big crazy party when we are all together!

Don and Lisa, aka Oma and Papa. They really are a second set of parents to me as I have been hanging around their family for the past 13 1/2 years. Lisa and I haven't always gotten along; I mean, I was a girl coming around interested in her first son. I have been coming to understand this feeling more lately as I hear my Weseley talk about girls chasing him. I feel that protective mama well up and I would probably be giving these girl a 'look' too :). She has listened to me. Comforted me. Delivered my Patrik. She continues to encourage and support me and I am grateful for that! Don is quiet and strong. When we have lived with them, I would always see him on his knees each morning praying for his family. I pray that my husband (and myself) would follow this example. He is an wonderful Papa and enjoys giving tractor rides to the boys. My husband is blessed to be a perfect mix of these two!!

The Girls. Paige is where it all began. My freshman year of high school, my brother was my locker partner, but when he decided to return to Windsor schools, Paige became my new locker buddy. As I got to know her and the people she knew, I of course met her big brother (so dreamy, LOL). The rest is history. She is the pancreas for her son Kreed, and is an amazing, strong woman! I truly admire her :). Jaeda is fun-loving and stylish. I have been known to take a picture of myself in an outfit and text it to her for her opinion. Her personality has many similarities to Justin so I often describe her as 'Justin with boobs'. She lives far away (Arizona far), but we girls make the most of our time together when we get it!!

The Boys. Well, there are a few (in case you are unaware, the Buxman's are great at making boys). Mitch is .. well, Mitch. He is unique and humorous :). Shane is next and he is currently off at college. He is very smart, a talented actor, and very caring of others. Then Trent. He was only 3 when I met this family and now he is driving! He is very entertaining and loves playing football. Lastly, there is Joey. He was adopted in but sure meshes well. My boys love kicking a soccer ball around with him! My boys love rough housing and playing with all their uncles, and it is often crazy to watch my boys and see glimpses of their uncles from the past.

Phew. That's just a small glimpse at my In-Loves. You are all amazing and I LOVE YOU ALL!!!! I am super thankful to be a part of your family!!

My Family

Today, I am thankful for My Family. While I have a wonderful extended family, I am specifically thankful today for my parents, my brother, and my sister. Family is very important to me. I can remember my dad talking about the importance of being there for each other. I have definitly grown to appreciate that the older I get.

My Mom. She birthed me, raised me, and has shaped me into woman I am today. She has been my friend; talking, laughing, crying. She has been a great support as I have become a mom and a great helper with my kids when I have needed her. I am blessed to know that she prays for me constantly! We may not always see eye-to-eye, but I know that she loves me, no matter what!!

My Daddy. I am a daddy's girl. He taught me how to drive (which my husband says is scary) and how to fix things (I am pretty good with a hammer). I loved to go to work with him! He has blessed me with thick hair, LOL. He was always there to lovingly discipline me when needed but also to hug me and let me cry too. And I don't think I will ever outgrow his hugs. I still have days where I just want my daddy to hug me and make it all better. Even today, when he stopped by my house to say HI, this 'big girl' just wanted to crawl into his lap and cry while he held me tight in his arms.

My Brother. He is super artistic and creative. He enjoys playing in the snow, on his snowmobile. We used to joke about how our birthdays should be switched cause his is in the summer and I love water stuff and mine is in the cold and snowy time, which he enjoys. I have always admired his adventerous nature and dedication. He has done many different things and has gained much knowledge from them. I always wished I had a big brother to watch out for me, but as we have grown, I have seen him be that protective brother. I am super proud of him!!

My Sister. She's the baby of our family. Over the years, I have struggled with many mixed feelings over our relationship. It is not quite the 'BFF' sister relationship often portrayed on TV and in movies. Her and I had a wonderful talk a few months back and we are both working to improve this. She is an amazing mom to my niece and nephew, and an extremely talented massuse. She got the singing talent and has a beautiful voice. One fond memory I enjoy thinking back on is her and I singing Amazing Grace, acapella, together. I thought we sounded pretty good :). She is back in school pursuing her degree and I am very proud of her too!!

Our family isn't perfect, but we love and support each other. I thank God for entrusting me to my parents and for gifting me with a super cool little brother and sister!! I LOVE YOU ALL!!!

My Diva Princess

What are little girls made of? Sugar and spice and everything nice. That's what little girls are made of. Um, yeah. My little girl has some sugar but I am pretty sure she got stuck under the spice machine ;). She is a fireball, but I am so very thankful for my surprise blessing.

Almost 2 years ago, I had received a promotion at work and began a six week training to be a banker. This required me to commute to North Denver. About the 2nd week into training, I remember noticing these 'odd' feelings that I had only had in my previous pregnancies. We had decided that we were at a good point for me to return to work and had planned to wait awhile before having more kids, so as the feelings grew stronger, I went into denial. When I finally took a pregnancy test, the + sign popped up so quick, it was as if the test was laughing. And so we prepared for number 3. I was certainly crossing my fingers for a girl, but they are pretty rare in the Buxman family. I couldn't believe it when we saw our little baby in ultrasound and found out it was indeed a GIRL!!

In the week prior to her arrival, Justin had a large sign fall onto his leg and was to stay off of it. On Monday, July 26th, 2010, I was getting ready for work. As I stood looking at my clothes trying to decide what to wear, I was drawn to a comfy, flowing dress, just in case my water broke at work (which was my fear). At work, I called HR and decided to start my leave that day, as opposed to one week later. By late afternoon, I realized I was leaking. I quickly told my boss and we checked in my keys and I headed out. I went home, picked up my gimpy husband and some towels and then drove us to the hospital. Oh, the looks we got as I waddled into the maternity wing with my husband hobbling on his crutches :). I settled in not expecting it to be long (as my 2 previous labors were only 6 hours or less) but was also nervous as this was my first hospital birth. This nervousness quickly subsided as each of my nurses read our birth plan and were ready to help us in any way needed. This was great since Raia had her own plans right from the start. After a restless night, hours of pitocin, and an epidural, Raia finally joined us just before 11 pm on July 27th. She proved why I had decided to celebrate Patrik's Birthday early; that's right, she came on her brother's 3rd birthday :).

She looks like Weseley and acts like Patrik. She is already a tough little girly girl and she loves to wrestle with her daddy and brothers. She loves me doing her hair, and she loves shoes!! And she loves her Daddy! My mom told me how I would be cranky all day when I was a baby and then instantly turn into a happy sweet little girl when my dad walked in the door. I was, and still am a Daddy's girl and I now have one of my own, LOL. She does love me and we have lots of fun together, but she gets so excited to see her Daddy. She keeps me on my toes and wears me out some days, but I wouldn't want it any other way. Thank you God for our surprise gift!!

I LOVE YOU RAIA JADE!!!

Happy Birthday!

Today is my birthday!! It is also marks one year since I began this blog. :) That said, today I am thankful for me! I know it sounds a bit conceited, so I will explain. The reason I started this blog was to share things that I have gone through, as well as things I have learned and am still learning. I strive to be real so that others can relate and feel like they are in good company :). The past year has held some great moments of growth for me. I have started embracing the REAL me, which took me a long time to find. I feel happy again and I am so excited to see the great things in store in the future.

I am just so thankful that God loves me so much, even during the times when I have wanted nothing much to do with Him. I am thankful for the daily opportunities He gives me to learn and grow into the person that He designed me to be. I am extremely thankful that my parents chose life and I am therefore thankful for ME!

Veterans Day

Happy Veterans Day!! Today I am very THANKFUL for each and every man and woman who has chosen to serve their country and fight for the Freedom that I have today!! I have family and friends who are proudly among this group of amazingly strong people!! They truly deserve more recognition than they often receive, but yet they graciously hold their heads high, proud of who they are and proud to serve their country. May we remember to Thank these courageous people more than just one day. And may we also remember to pray for their families, who also show such strength in supporting their loved one where ever they may be serving.

God, Thank you for these Men and Women, who have proudly served this great Country! And watch over those still serving today!!

Weseley Dene

Today I am THANKFUL for my handsome son, Weseley! He is my first born. After having had 2 miscarriages when we were first starting our family, he was a wonderful blessing from God!! We did everything we knew and were told to do (probably more with my OCD) in preparation for our first little person. We didn't find out the baby's gender, and even though a small part of me wanted a girl, a bigger part was hoping for a boy. Justin and I are both the oldest children in our families and I always wished that I had a big brother to be my protector. So really, I wanted a boy first to be that for our family; and really, with the Buxman gene, a boy was inevitable :). The pregnancy was great. I LOVED BEING PREGNANT!! Yep, one of those crazy ladies. We took Bradley classes as we prepared for a home delivery with our wonderful midwife, Judy. As the days grew closer (and then past) the due date, I anxiously awaited the arrival of our baby. Every woman you meet will tell you (whether you want to hear or not) their account of child birth, so when you are waiting on that first one, you are imagining every possible weird scenario (or at least I was). I was prepared for the worst. But it wasn't so bad. Things were moving at 11:00 pm on the 24th of March. I called my midwife and she headed our way. Justin went to wake his Mom, who didn't believe him at first, LOL. By 5:30am, the 25th of March, I was holding our perfect, beautiful baby boy.

He was SO easy!! I just loved being his MOMMY!! As the years have passed, it hasn't changed!! He is an extremely bright 5-year-old. He is kindergarten (already?!?!) and is enjoying every day of it! I am in awe of the changes I see daily in his ability to read and write. He loves numbers (like me :) ) and he is quite a little artist. He is a deep thinker and there isn't a gray area in his mind; very black and white. He is sensitive and caring and cuddly and he is most definitely a great Big Brother to Patrik and Raia. THANK YOU GOD FOR OUR SWEET BOY!!

I LOVE YOU WESELEY DENE!!

Older Wiser Women

Today I am thankful for the wonderful Bible Study group I have recently joined. I love the studies we are doing with teachings from Kay Arthur, Beth Moore, and Priscilla Shirer. They are such gifted teachers and wonderful mature women who never fail to inspire, convict and encourage me all at the same time. I love that a group of women can watch their video teachings and each walk away with something meaningful for their life and the season they are in. As Priscilla put it today, our Rama word; a general word that specifically applies to me. In her video today, she shared a story of hearing the Holy Spirit speak to her through a donkey, while she was helping a friend pull the stubborn donkey back to its home. This process took two hours, as the donkey was very stubborn, and she heard the Holy Spirit say, "doesn't this kinda look like you and me?" It most definitely is a fitting picture for me and the past 4 years of having my heart being 'tugged' at, trying to pull me back onto the path God has for me. I certainly still have these 'dig in my feet and pull back' kinda days and I know there will be more in the future, but I am grateful for a silly yet very applicable picture to have in my head. Thank you God for blessing these women (and many others) with such a special gift of being able to so eloquently teach other women.

Not only am I thankful for the wonderful studies and learning in this group but I am also so thankful for the wonderful women within this group. Many of them have known each other for different lengths of time and have been meeting for Bible Study for awhile, but they have made me feel so welcome!! They are REAL women, who openly share with one another. They listen to me without making me feel like they are judging me. The past few days have been some rough Mommy Days for me and I was so grateful to have one of these ladies listen and share some great ideas for me to try with my wonderful, strong-willed Patrik. I know that I am not in this season by chance and I am very blessed to have these women around me to encourage me through it!!

My Patrik

I had had a different blog in mind this morning when I woke up than the one I find myself typing now. But as I strive to be real with myself and the world around me, the blogs I write in my head often take on a new 'look' once I actually sit down to type. I am shaking with so many thoughts and emotions right now that I can't type quick enough. I know I will be having to edit this one so it doesn't read as a jumbled mess. I begin with a little back story.

On July 27th, 2007, I woke up (after having gotten a wonderful nights rest) and I just knew that it was the day we would meet our 2nd son. I told my hubby he wouldn't be working and I called my mother-in-law (who was also my midwife) to let her know that today was the day. Knowing how quickly my labor with my first had been, she insisted I get to her home right away. She was anxiously pacing as we arrived about an hour later (hey, my house needed a quick clean and she was only 5 min. away). Things were quick and smooth and within 4 hours, I was holding my beautiful Patrik. The mood quickly changed as I was hemorrhaging and before I knew it I was in an ambulance on the way to the hospital. I felt fine throughout all of this, and it really ended up being nothing major, but it wasn't the way I envisioned our life with 2 kids beginning. Once home, I began the mommy life of caring for an infant and a 16-month old. Patrik was different. Very Different. I labeled him as being so difficult because he wasn't as easy as his brother had been: Great, right out of the gate I was comparing him to his big brother. Nothing seemed to be going right this time and I began a downward spiral into postpartum depression. I refused to admit this to anyone, including myself, as I had always wanted to be a mom and I couldn't understand why I would be having the feelings I was having. The harder I tried to figure things out and fix things, the more confused I became and the farther down I spiraled. Seven long months later, I finally reached out for help and began to climb up out of my dark pit of depression. That wasn't the end, however for today's sake, it is.

As Patrik has grown into the little man he is, I have struggled. He is so strong-willed and yet so sensitive. I already see a drive for perfection in him that I know I have pushed on him and it eats at me. I have spent so much of my young life trying to be perfect for everyone and to see how this is already taking root in my son, well, I just cry and feel as though I have failed him. I know I don't love him any less than his big brother but I struggle with feelings of distance as I look back over his first few years and don't see the same bonding as I had with my first. I found myself comparing him to his brother instead of treating him like the uniquely special little boy God created and blessed us with. Honestly, the light bulb clicked on just today how much he is like me.

All of this (and more I am sure) has brought me to a bit of a melt-down today. I am feeling failure, helplessness, regret, and overwhelming sadness. BUT more than all of that, I AM THANKFUL FOR MY WONDERFUL SON, PATRIK JAYMES!! He is one of my most special gifts from God and whom I have been entrusted with to raise and teach. I have peace in knowing that it is OK that I am not perfect and that I can change and be a better mommy to my precious boy! While these past few years have been tough, they have also helped me find the REAL me and continue to teach me and help me grow into a much better person. Thank you God for your strength and your un-ending love for me!! Thank you for all you are teaching me and will continue to teach me through Patrik!! Thank You for My Patrik!!

 I AM SO THANKFUL FOR YOU PATRIK!!

My Husband

Today I am thankful for my husband, Justin. He is my best friend and a wonderful daddy to our 3 beautiful kids. He works hard and makes sure that we are taken care of. He is a goofball that many people don't always get and there have been times that I have been (dare I say it) embarrassed. There have even been times that I have looked at other relationships and wondered why my husband couldn't be like that guy. You know why? Because God made him the way he is. And He made him for me!! I have come to realize that I was starting to put some unrealistic expectations (uh-oh) on my husband and then judging him for not meeting them when he had no idea. Oops. My Bad. These characteristics that I had begun to be embarrassed about were some of the main ones that drew me to him. He is my high-school sweetie, and when he still acts like the silly high school boy I fell in love with, I laugh. He can ALWAYS make me laugh. I can still remember the butterfly feeling in my stomach as I anticipated our first kiss (which was also my first kiss ever)! I still have the very first note he wrote to me in 9th grade that 'confesses his like' for me ;). We've had our ups and our downs, and I know more are to come, cause hey, that's Life. BUT for better or for worse, we will get through them together. I LOVE YOU JUSTIN BUXMAN!! And even when I ask you to warm up my car and I get in it 10 minutes later to find the cold air cranked on high, I will smile and Thank God that he gave me YOU!!!



Church Day

It's Sunday! And today I am thankful for the freedom I have to go and worship with others! I am also very thankful to be a part of a small but growing church where I don't feel like I am constantly being judged. I was raised in church but have struggled A LOT over the past few years with church and faith. I have held onto A LOT of anger and bitterness which I chose to 'blame' on God (silly, but true). I am thankful that through this time, God has never stopped loving me! Whether I wanted Him to be or not, He was by my side. I love feeling happy again and I look forward to church day!!

Health

Today I am thankful for our health. This past week has kept me pretty homebound as I have had sick kiddos. Even still, we are working on getting back to 100%. Along with this, I am thankful for great doctors and modern medicine. Last Sunday I had to take Weseley to the ER ad he was having some crazy breathing issues. We went to the medical center of the rockies in Loveland and they were fantastic. Even though simple colds can feel like they are lasting an eternity in Mommy Land, I am truly thankful to live where I can get the help I need to ensure my kids are healthy! Excuse me as I drink another cup of emergenC before bed. Good Night!

November Thankfulness

It's November! I love November: maybe because it is the wonderful month in which I was born or maybe because it hosts one of my favorite holiday meals! Either way, it is here :). I have once again seen people beginning to post something they are thankful for each day of this month and I have decided to jump onto this band wagon. One thing I have struggled a lot with over the past few years is seeing the positives in my life. I recently started a prayer journal to help in this area of my life and I think that setting out a goal of writing a Thankful Blog for 30 days will only help strengthen my 'positivity muscle'. I have a lot of blogs written in my head and am already seeing ways of re-writing them to not only share the things I have learned/am learning, but to put a thankful spin on them. Since I am already a few days behind, I will jump right in with some easy ones.

Nov.1: This was election day. Therefore, I am very thankful to live in a country of freedom. I am thankful that I have a right to vote and do my part (however small it may seem) to bring about changes that I would like to see.

Nov. 2: This would have been my Great Grandma Haugsdaul's birthday. I couldn't tell you how old she would have been but she passed away when I was 5. She had been my best friend. I spent many weekends at her house, baking, playing dress up, and going to garage sales. When she passed away, I cried a lot. Everyone told me I cried the most at her funeral. I think of her often when I am sewing as I was given many of her sewing things. I miss her lots and wonder what wonderful things she would have taught me if we had had more time together. I am thankful for the time I did get with her and the example she was for even a short time.

Nov. 3: I am thankful for the electricity! After living for 4 days without it last week (seemed longer! LOL), I was very happy that our 2nd snow of the season didn't bring any more power outages our way. I am working on remembering this fact and to not so easily take things for granted.

Nov. 4: TODAY!! I am thankful for my Crock Pot. Ya, it may sound silly, but I am!! I really do love to cook and bake, but after 3 kids and the craziness of each day, it can be quite tough to ensure a nice dinner is ready for us and my hard-working man. The past few months have brought on a new love for said Crock Pot, as I have discovered new recipes (CAKE IN A CROCK POT?!) and ideas. I love planning our menu for the week now! I am especially thankful when the days that seem to have the unexpected crazy bumps match up with the days I already have dinner cooking. :)

Alrighty. Four days in and off to a good start. My goal is to actually write every day, but I also have to be realistic :). The true goal is focus on positives and the many things I have to be Thankful for, and to not leave them in these 30 days of November but carry them all year long!

"Always be joyful. Keep on praying. No matter what happens, always be thankful, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus."  --  1 Thesselonians 5:16-18