Hello World!

November 12, 1982. 5:05 PM. I made my grand entrance into this world. I was 19 1/2 inches long and weighed in at an even 6 lbs. I was soon nicknamed 'Rosebud' and 'Peanut' because of my small size. 

I was given the name, Tonya Carin Reiff. The story I remember is that it was because my Dad liked the artist Tanya Tucker, but my Mom didn't want it spelled with an 'A'. Here's a picture of me with my parents, about 3 months old.

I was a definitely a Daddy's girl. I remember my Mom telling me how I could be so fussy all day but then be the happiest little girl the moment my Dad came home. Sorry Mama. 

My Daddy and Me

I developed an early love for animals. I love them and miss having a kitty to snuggle. I attribute my affection for animals, especially cats, to a special bond with my first kitty, Sugar Bear. When I was a baby, I had a very quiet cry. Even with a baby monitor, there were often times my parents couldn't hear me. Sugar Bear, who had her own challenge of being blind in one eye, would always successfully get their attention. This is a picture of me with her. 

As would be expected, I loved my toys, especially dolls and stuffed animals. I also enjoyed my naps, although I suspect I once fought them as my kids do now. If only we knew at that early age what a treat naps are. :)

Hiding in my stockpile of toys.

  

Napping on my grandma's couch

I was the oldest. In June of 1984, I received the gift of a baby brother and in September 1985, a baby sister. I took my role as the oldest seriously, maybe a bit much at times. I'm sure they have called me bossy. But I love them dearly and always want to see them happy. 

My brother and I. 

 Oh man, as I typed the caption for the above photo, I spotted the balloon and started laughing. So, that picture was taken on my 2nd birthday. The Miss Piggy balloon came with a gift. Being helium, we tied it to a chair to keep it in one spot. That night, it had come loose and was floating around our house, eventually making its way into my room. I woke up and was very frightened by this. So funny now. 

Sissy and Me.

Well, that's a start. More to come as time allows. :)

Agnes Haugsdal

Since writing my 2 week notice intentions on Monday, I have been struggling on how to actually start my story. I mean, logically I should start at the beginning. However, I think you are all smart people and obviously I was born and went through the normal stages of baby and toddler life. Yes, I would like to share some pictures and info from that time of my life, but I have felt strongly urged to write this story first.

Today is my Great-Grandma Haugsdal's birthday. She gets to celebrate with Jesus and has for the past 23 years.

Her and I had a special bond. I like to think that we still do. We shared the same great birthday month and a love for the color pink. She taught me many things, even though I was very little.

Agnes holding me.

I loved going to her house. I would play dress up. She had this red petticoat that I loved to wear and I am sure it played a role in my love for frilly girly things. We would bake. Always something yummy and made from scratch. She had a special apron that I got to wear, again frilly with lace. I remember watching her sew and wanting to know how to do that. I would go to garage sales with her and my grandma and I would often get a little gift, my favorite of which was a purple and pink popple. Do you remember those?

Mine looked just like this.

One day, not long after she bought me that popple, my little world was crushed. In July of 1989, I lost my Great-Grandma. One of my closest friends. I was only 6. I honestly can't tell you if this was my 'first' experience with losing someone, but it is the first that I remember. I cried for what seemed like forever. I cry now. My grandma tells me I cried the most out of anyone.

Within a few months of her passing away, we moved from the home I had lived in since birth into her home. I remember crying myself to sleep many nights, laying there in her house and missing her so much. I would squeeze my popple and I had this hat that had been hers that I would wear or hold on to. At such a young age, I just couldn't understand why this had happened. All I knew is that it hurt.

Soon, in an effort to cope, I began suppressing memories. I didn't want to feel that pain again. Even now, as I type, the pain stings. I know I am still only scratching the surface, but this is why I felt the need to share this first. I don't feel like I have the same childhood memories as others because I have blocked so much of it in my effort to protect myself from feeling the pain. Most of my memories are from pictures I have and being told the stories of what happened.

I know she is still with me and I see her in many ways in my life. I see her in the color pink. I see her in rubber bands, which I remember always seeing on her wrist. I see her when I sew, as I use her old sewing box for my spools of thread and needles and such. I see her when I put on the frilly lace apron that I still love to wear as I bake 'old-fashioned' goodies.

I miss her a lot. I long to have had her around longer to have learned more from her. I wish I could have one more hug.

This may be an unusual start to a story, but it is a key part of what shaped my childhood.

Great-Grandma Haugsdal with the love of her life

Happy Birthday Agnes Haugsdal!

2 Week Notice

In 2 weeks, I will be crossing a milestone.

It is apparently a big one. To some anyways. Definitely the biggest in a while for me.

Yep. In just 2 short weeks, I will turn 30. **Gasp**

I have never been one to be concerned about age and I am certainly not starting now, but I can't lie, it feels strange. Why? Because I can remember my parents being in their 30's!! How is it that I am here now?! Yeah, yeah, I know, time keeps moving forward, blah blah blah. Some days I just can't help but sit and ponder where the time has gone. I mean, I still can't figure out how I moved out of the Young Married's category and into the Married with Children one .. oh wait, I suppose that happened when I had the kids.

Well, at any rate, 30 is just another number along my timeline that is my life.

As I think back over how much I have learned about myself in the past 5 years, I can't help but feel thankful that I learned some hard lessons earlier than later. I also can't help but feel such a passion to share my daily struggles and what I have learned, what I am learning (sometimes again and again), and what I will continue to learn, with those around me.

NEWS FLASH: I finally know what I want to be when I grow up - a counselor.

This desire to share my story was one of the reasons I started blogging. I have found that 'writing it out' really helps me process through things. And since I know I am not the only human who deals with these issues, emotions, etc. (although we often think we are), I feel like it may help others too. That is why just about a year ago, I changed the name of my blog to Tonyalogy to represent both me 'studying' myself and sharing the narrative of my story. You can read that blog here.

So I had this thought: What better way to cross-over to my 30's than to take some time to share my life story? I mean, my memory isn't the best, but I have been feeling a push to write it down. Perhaps there is something for me to learn. Perhaps it's only to have it all in one place. Probably both are true.

I'm excited. A bit nervous too. The perfectionist in me wants to see this accomplished within a specific time-frame, but the real-life mom realizes that there are many days I desire to sit down and write but the time isn't there. Therefore, I will write and share when I can.

30. I will welcome you in 2 weeks. Until then, I will be enjoying the journey of reminiscing the past years, planning a princess party, and oh yeah, living my life as usual.

Random Snowy Thursday

I love feeling loved. Pretty sure we all do. And I love showing my love to others, usually through kind acts or little gifts. I am very fortunate to have both my blood-family and my in-love family close by, as well as those I call Framily: friends that are like family. This group has been growing lately and I can't help but feel blessed by this!!

All of these people are so willing to help us when needed and I look forward to returning the favor. In the past week, things have fallen into place for me to be able to help some friends by watching their little boy a couple days a week. He is so much fun and provides great socialization for Raia :). Yesterday, while he was here, I was going to be venturing to Patrik's tumbling class, which I knew could prove to be very interesting. Thanks to the snow, my husband ended up being home for the day and so sweetly agreed to stay home with the 2 crazy toddlers so they could nap and Patrik and I could go. Then, I received a text from a BFF (Beautiful, Fabulous Friend), saying her back was very sore and she wouldn't be taking her kids to tumbling. Now that I didn't have to take the 2 toddlers, I was happy to offer to pick her 2 up and take them to tumbling with us.

God made the pieces fall together today. I loved seeing how perfectly it worked out. And I loved even more the conversation I got to hear in the short drive from her house to the Rec Center. It has had me laughing ever since and I just had to share.

Please enjoy seeing the world through the eyes of 4 & 5-year-olds.

Scene: I get into my car and make sure all 3 kids are buckled. Back out of the driveway and begin our drive.

Patrik: "Mom, am I 5 & 1/2?"
Me: "Not quite yet."
Kristin: "I'm 5 & 1/2."
Me: "Yep. You're more like 5 & 3/4 because it is almost your birthday and then you will be 6."
Kristin: "Yep. My birthday is Dec. 15. And my mom's birthday is on Christmas. And that is God's birthday. And did you know that God is Jesus?"
Kade: "And Jesus is love."
Me: "Yes I did."
Kade: "Look at that truck with a shovel!" (seeing a pickup with a plow on the front)
Kristin and Patrik: "Cool."
Kade: "When I am big I will have a monster truck! And I will drive it everywhere."
Kristin: "You can drive it in parades and people can ride on a seat in the back. Like me, right?"
Kade: "I guess. Tonya Buxman, can we run in the snow after class?"
Me: "Um .... "
Kristin: "Yeah. We did that after the library. We ran through the leaves and crunched them."
Me: "Crunching leaves is fun. We will have to see if there is snow to run through."
Patrik: "Are we all in the same class?"
Me: "Yes. You know that."
Patrik: "No! I mean for school. They don't go to my school."
Kristin: "No. I go to Chess and they have 3 classes."
Kade: "I go to home."
Kristin: "And we like different movies. I bet you like Transformers, like Kade, right Patrik?"
Patrik: "Yep."
Kristin: "I like Hello Kitty. It is for girls."
Patrik: "I would never watch that."
Kade: "Miss Hillary won't be teaching today because she got a new baby. My mom says that when we get a new baby I can go with them."
Kristin: "No she didn't Kade. She said 'Maybe.'"
Kade: "No Sir. I can go."
Kristin: "No. Maybe means yes and no and I don't know. Patrik, look at this booger."
Patrik: "Where?"
Kristin: "On my finger. Look, it is kinda green."
Patrik: "Oh. Yeah it is."
Kade: "Let Me see."
Kristin: "It's gone."
Kade: "Tonya Buxman, watch where you are going." (said after I politely signaled and changed lanes)
Me: "You don't think I am watching where I am going?"
Kade: "No."
Kristin: "I am going to ask my mom if we can eat lunch out. We should go to Wendy's. We could all go, but not Raia."
Patrik: "I don't like Wendy's."
Kristin: "Don't you like chicken nuggets?"
Patrik: "Yes. But I like pizzeria."
Kade: "This is where they have recital." (as I pull in and park in UCCC parking lot).
Kristin: "I had a dance recital here. But when I am 6, I can be in the nutcracker and be a real ballerina. You can come watch me. I don't have to be a mouse. Only little kids are mice."
Me: "Well, of course I will come watch. Let's stay together now."

End scene: We made it.

I seriously wish I had a button in my car that I could push to record because I am sure I left some stuff out. It was such a serious conversation in their little world and was all over the place without ever missing a beat. It just made me laugh. And laugh. And laugh some more.

Kids are Awesome.

Friday Feelings

This morning I was running errands. I have been better about making sure the station I am listening to is appropriate for my kids as they definitely repeat a lot now a days, so we were listening to Way FM. This song came on and it was the first time I had heard it, and upon hearing the first few words I quickly turned it up to hear it. Then tears started welling in my eyes (not so great when driving).

Throughout my life, I have been hurt by many. Many within churches.

Throughout my life, I have hurt many. Intentionally or not.

As a parent, our culture scares me at times. The stuff my kids will be facing seems so much bigger than what I faced. There is so much hurt and anger. And arguing.

I value being able to have my own opinions. I value my family. I value having friends. I value having joy and happiness in my life. I value being different.

Lately, I have been catching myself in the words that I use, in an effort to not only help myself but also to teach my children (ie., I want vs. I need). I have also been catching my thoughts here and there, especially in reaction to 'News'. An honest truth: When listening to the story about the Arvada theater shooting, I heard them talking about those who were in the theater. I remember hearing them mention a mom who was there with her very young (2-4 months old) baby, and my first thought (spoken aloud to the TV) was, "Really?! She took her infant to a late night premier of a movie?!" Really Tonya?! I literally stopped myself as I couldn't believe that I chose at that moment to judge someone.

I'm human. I often fail.

I desire so much to teach my kids to LOVE! To just LOVE. I desire to live this way as to teach them. I don't have to agree with you. You don't have to agree with me. But I can love you. I can help you. We can still be friends. We will always be family.

This song just so nicely said how I have been feeling lately with so much 'controversy' being created and fed to us through the numerous social outlets of our day.

So, I got home. Sat down at my computer and searched for the song on YouTube. Played it and began blogging some of my thoughts. The song is below. Please enjoy. Maybe grab a tissue.

This blog is a bit jumbled for my usual likeness (read as need for perfection), but I just wanted to share my heart this morning. So, judge if you must ;). But know that if you are reading this, I LOVE YOU!! 

The Wind is A Blowing

If nothing ever changes then nothing ever changes.

Change is always happening. The world is constantly changing. The seasons change. We Change. It is an inevitable part of life and sometimes a hard thing to accept or process.

This is true for me as I looked back over my blog to find 2 earlier posts talking about Change, here and here. I know I have sat down many times to write a blog and it centered around change so I didn't finish it. Even now, I feel like it may be repetitive. BUT .. this is where I am.

I truly believe I have gotten better at dealing with change. Even if only a little bit. As I think back over the past year, I can recall a wide variety of transitions in our lives; some small, some big. I definitely have worked hard on having faith and looking optimistically at the situation. This is partly due to my boys getting older and seeing how much my actions and emotions are shaping them. And, well, it really does alleviate stress, which feels good.

In the past 2 weeks, a big gust of wind blew in some changes. It was quick and left me feeling a bit out of sorts as I worked to process it all. At first, I tried to tell myself that I wasn't stressing about it, but that is a lie. You see, when life throws change at me, my instinct is to start grabbing hold of the things I can control (or that I think I can control). Change often means I have to let go of something or takes me outside of my comfort zone, which can lead to me feeling like my world is spinning out of control.

Control. Another 'C' word that I struggle with. It is often how I realize something is stressing me out. My OCD starts rising to the surface and the more chaotic my life seems to be, the more I try to control. A vicious cycle that generally results in a not so pretty break down. I am learning to see the signs earlier, to talk or write out my emotions (usually both), and ultimately work on ending this cycle. I'm not perfect and I don't have it all figured out, but I do believe the first step is always recognizing and admitting the struggle.

Here I sit. A whirlwind of possibilities swirling in my head. The winds of change are still blowing. I'm scared. I'm excited. I choose to trust. To be positive. To live each day as it comes and not let the winds blow me into the 'what-ifs' of tomorrow.

Life is Change. Growth is Optional. Choose Wisely.

Memorial Day

Simple today.

Thank you to our soldiers. Thank you to their families. Not just today BUT every single day.

Have a safe Memorial Day and may we never forget that our freedom does come at a cost.

Confidence

Earlier this year, I attended a Literacy Carnival with Weseley for school. They had all sorts of fun gift baskets to be raffled off. While I let Weseley choose most of the ones we put tickets into, I chose one that was for me. 

AND I WON IT!!

It was a cute little bag with some fun flip flops, a cute sign that says "you are my sunshine", some spray-on tan, and a gift certificate to receive a a free spray on tan. I used to tan really nicely, before the kids. After my pregnancies, I tend to burn faster than tanning. 

Today, I went to get my spray tan. This lady works out of her home. She lives in a cute little older house in Eaton, right across from Weseley's school. Not to be too graphic, but there is nothing quite like meeting someone for the first time and then standing almost naked in their tub. WOW!

We had a great conversation about her 2 adorable kids and their journey in adopting them from China and I learned about a food-coop in Eaton that I am excited to take part in. 

But the whole time I was standing in her tub, I couldn't help but sing this song in my head. My boys and I love to sing it and dance around. I think confidence is sexy. I can admit that I see people wear stuff that I don't think they should, but in a culture that still spends a lot of time glorifying super thin bodies, I love seeing people who are confident with who they are. 

**Video Disclaimer - While I am amused by this video, it is not appropriate for kids ;)**

I'm Sexy and I know it!

I'll Stand By You

Family is important to me. As is having real friends who support me without judging me. All too often we can get so caught up in judging others that we miss real life. I have certainly wasted many hours do that. It is so much easier than looking at ourselves.

I am trying to be better. To just love people. I don't have to agree with everyone and they don't have to agree with me. But I can choose to love someone where they are in life and if given the opportunity, no matter how big or small, I can try to brighten their day. I certainly know how much it means when others do the same for me.

I first heard Carrie Underwood sing her version of this song about 5 years ago (I think), when someone close to me was going through a tough situation and didn't have a lot of support at first. I remember driving in my car and singing along to the song while fighting back tears. I love the words of the song as they said exactly how I felt at that time and in that situation. There have been several more occasions when I have wanted to belt these words out to someone, and if I didn't say it, I hope I have shown it.

This is the type of person I want to be to my family and friends and the type of people I want to be surrounded by.

Life is hard enough without feeling like you are going it alone.

Silly Songs

As it is a bit gloomy out today, I have decided to let each of my kids choose their favorite video/song to share. I have also thrown one of my favorites in as well. 

Nothing better than dancing and singing and being silly with my kids!! 

HAPPY FRIDAY!!

Kuddos to you if you can can guess who picked what! :)

Perfect

As long as I can remember, I have striven for perfection. I am not entirely sure where exactly this came from. Someday I may talk to a shrink and see what they think .. or maybe not.

Wanting everything to be perfect all the time is really tiring. It also brought out some OCD tendencies. This wasn't so bad when I was first married or even after our 1st bouncing baby boy. BUT 2 babies under 2 ripped my seemingly perfect world into pieces.

In the past 4-5 years, as my boys have grown, I have seen areas in their lives that are already affected by my drive for perfection, especially in Patrik. This has made me sad. It has also made me work on this battle in myself and to slowly let go of that constant 'NEED' to have everything perfect. It takes away from my kids and is unhealthy for me.

I like this song because it reminds me to step back and look at what is important to me. And my beautiful babies are indeed perfect gifts to me!

Teachers

We said a lot of 'Good-Bye's' today. At least until we have a play date or school starts again. It was a crazy but fun time spent with my boys as they rounded out their 1st year of school.

Whew, it went by fast.

I am so glad that my boys had such fantastic teachers who loved on them and encouraged them to grow! Over the past weekend, the boys helped me make Thank-You gifts for these sweet ladies.

We started by going to Target to get flower pots, cards, and gift cards. The boys chose out the color of flower pot (both chose pink because their teachers were girls, they said) and the Thank You card. We also came across some cute decorative signs to include so we grabbed those too. They finished our outing by choosing flowers at Lowe's.

Once home, I used my measuring tape and a sharpie to draw a ruler along top ridge of the flower pots.

I then wrote, "Thank You For Helping Me Grow" on the side. The boys helped me put the flowers into the pots and water them. We added the sign they chose. Then the boys colored a picture in their card and wrote their names. 

Seeing the excitement on their faces as they delivered these gifts to their teachers was great! They have had an excellent year and we are thankful for Ms. Jaime and Mrs. Adams and their love of teaching!!

Summertime!!

Today is the LAST DAY of School for my boys. Official start to our Summer Break will start after 2 BBQ's, 1 at each school.

YUMM! I LOVE HOT DOGS!! ;)

I have found myself randomly breaking into tears over the past couple days (and this morning), as I think about the fact that I now have a First Grader. 1st - when did I become old enough for this to be true?! And 2nd - I am just in awe of his growth this past year. We were blessed with an awesome teacher who has an excellent gift for teaching Kindergarten. With Patrik, there is a mixture of emotions as we try to help him understand why he doesn't get to go to kindergarten next year with his friends. Mostly it is because of the birthday cut off in Eaton, but an extra year to work on his speech will be really good for him. 

I also have been randomly crying while watching the Season Finales of my shows. Like Glee. I am a sap. 

Today I am posting 2 videos. I could easily post more but I will limit myself to the 2. When I think about summer time, I think of so many wonderful memories made and waiting to be made. I am also more likely to have country or oldies on during this season as well. For me, these 2 genres of music make a fabulous summer soundtrack. 

Therefore, 1 of each for your listening pleasure. Starting with Kenny Chesney. I have a little crush on him. ;)

School's Out For Summer!!!

Graduation Day

I always LOVED school. I couldn't get enough of it. I pushed myself for perfection and wanted straight A's always. I accomplished this for the most part and was always at the top of my class.

Until my Junior year (I am pretty sure that is the right year). A new boy joined our class. His name was Sangam and he was an exchange student from Nepal. And he was pretty smart.

Throughout Elementary and Middle School, I had always had another boy that was neck and neck with me with grades. It was nice having the competition to help push me. I had a slight break from that early High School but Sangam brought that competition spirit back, whether he knew it or not.

Sadly, during our Senior Year, I quickly saw my life long dream of being the Valedictorian of my class slipping away. Not going to lie, I felt pretty cheated. I finished 2nd and earned the title of Salutatorian. At least I still got to give a speech.

Our graduation ceremony was scheduled in the evening. And not just any evening but on an evening in which the Colorado Avalanche was playing an oh so important play-off game against the New Jersey Devils. They were fighting for the Stanley Cup!!! My friend Sarah and I made sure to help out anyone who was sadly missing the game. She hid a mini radio under her robe with ear buds and I had a dry erase board brought in and placed under my chair by a family member. She would tell me the score, I would write it on the board and hold it up for all to see ;). When it was my turn to give my speech, I began by updating everyone with the score. Good Times.

Any-who, today's song was the song I used for my speech. I know it wasn't original and other's have done the same, but I love the lyrics. I tried to find my entire speech but I couldn't. The words choked me up then and are now as I listen and type. This is how I want to live my life.

"When you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I Hope You Dance!"

Senior Year

In honor of the school year finishing up this week (for my kids anyways), I am sharing a memory from my Senior Year.

I went to this small school in Greeley, Union Colony Preparatory School. I really enjoyed my 4 years there. Being a very studious young gal, this school pushed me and challenged me daily. Their goal was to have us prepared and ready for college, so it wasn't a shock.

Our Senior year was devoted to writing a Thesis. A 25(minimum) page report on a topic of our choice. We spent the entire year researching and putting this together. In addition to writing the thesis, we had to give a presentation in front of a few of the teachers, and any peers, family or friends that wanted to watch.

One of my classmates, Sangam (you will hear a bit more about him tomorrow), and I were scheduled to present our thesis' on the same day. This pretty much marked the end of our Senior year. All that was left was graduation. I don't remember where we even went after our presentations were over, but we got in his car and he had this song qued up.

I didn't know (and still really don't) all the lyrics or the meaning behind the song, but that wasn't what mattered that day. We rolled down the windows, blasted the song, and sang at the top of our lungs ...

"I'M FREEEEE!!!!"

My Lights in the Sky

Growing up, I didn't have very many friends. Sometimes it seemed like I did, but as I think back, I realize that they weren't true friends. The only time I really felt 'popular' was in 4th grade when I was in a big fight with my cousin and you either liked her or me. In my mind, the WHOLE school was divided over this issue. Pretty sure now, that wasn't the case.

I am a fixer. I think it is a side effect of my perfectionism. I couldn't stand to see people upset with each other and would quickly try to mediate the problem. This led to the feeling of having friends, but most of them just used me.

So enough with the bumming. Despite all of that, I never felt lonely at those times. It is more when I look back that I see it, but that is the past. As an adult (at least I am told that is what I am), I have struggled more with the whole 'Friends' issue and feeling lonely. However, I have been truly blessed with some amazing friends.

These are REAL friends. We have had rough times. I have hurt them and perhaps they have hurt me, but we worked it out. We have laughed, cried, and shared many wonderful times together. Through everything, we have only grown closer together and I have learned to be a better friend. We are a Framily (thanks Kathy for sharing this word cause I love it), living life together.

Over the past few months, I have been even more blessed as God has crossed my path with some pretty amazing women. I can't even find the words to describe the feelings I have when I think of these women and the gift they have given me. I can be myself. No mask. They encourage me and challenge me at the same time. I can share my struggles without feeling judged. Several of these women have known each other for awhile and yet they welcomed me in without hesitation.

I have felt very lonely. But no more. You ALL (old and new) have been Lights in my Sky, reminding me that I am not alone. THANK YOU! Two little words that I can all too often forget to say. Thank you for sharing your hurts and struggles. Thanks for sharing your praises and Joy! Thank you for loving me as I am!!

TO/ANYA

Remember when you were younger; like middle school and high school younger? You have a problem or you were trying to fish for information from someone, so you would say, "I have this friend ... " You were really talking about yourself but saying these words magically made it about someone else (so I thought).

Well, I have this friend. Her name is Tanya.

And No. I am not talking about myself.

She really does exist. She is one my many BFF's; Beautiful Fabulous Friends. We have 'known' each other for a few years now, but it has only been in the past year or so that we have spent more time together and actually gotten to truly develop a friendship. Right off the bat, we discovered so much that we share in common.

We like to accredit these common things to our Awesome name, TO/ANYA. Ya, her name is spelled with an 'A', but I still love her all the same!!

One of the first memories I have of us spending time together was when we had a play date at Sanborn Park, along with her sister, Kathy (another of my BFF's). We were exchanging our phone numbers by calling each other. I honestly can't remember who called who, but her phone rang and this song started playing. I laughed. Not only because I too loved this song, but because I had just been planning to switch my ringtone to it as well!! It instead became her personal ringtone on my phone. :)

We Are Who We Are!!

Thanks for being my Friend!! I love spending time with you and your sweet family and look forward to many more fun memories!!

Last Friday Night

Last Friday Night was a blast!! I had a fabulous time at a fun Fashion Show, supporting the Boys and Girls Clubs, with some fantastic ladies!!

AND I get to enjoy ANOTHER Girls Night Out TONIGHT with another group of fabulous friends!! We will be seeing Anita Renfroe LIVE at the Wesleyan Church here in Greeley. I am so EXCITED!!

As I shared before, I still love Friday's and the fun they can bring! To kick off this weekend, I am choosing another of my favorite Friday songs; Last Friday Night, by Katy Perry, featuring Rebecca Black. Enjoy!

TGIF!! TGIF!! TGIF!! TGIF!!

Beta Test - Take 2

I don't mean to have 2 posts today about death, but that seems to be the case. Our Baby Beta has died. Weseley informed me that he made it fall asleep. OK. I think that is only because you kept putting your grimy hands into the bowl and shocked the poor thing.

Like any good parent, I have disposed of the tiny fish down the toilet and purchased another one. Now I can start with a picture of the newest fish member of our fish family, Baby Beta 2.0. It is slightly bigger than our last one started out as but I really like the coloring on this one. I'm sure you can't tell that I enjoy these fish as much as (if not more than) my kiddos ;).

Here's hoping for a successful 'growing up' of this Baby Beta.

Toot Toot, Hey, Beep Beep

This morning I received a text that shared some sad news with me. Donna Summer, the Queen of Disco, died today. Maybe you don't know who she is but I bet you would recognize her songs, like I Will Survive or Love to Love you Baby.

I love disco music and jump at any chance to attend or host a disco themed party. When I 'heard' this news, I changed my plan for today's song. This new choice is one of my favorites of Donna's, mostly because of the enjoyment it brought me and some young gals singing it on my Karaoke machine. Had no idea what the song was about til we starting singing along. Good Times. :)

Thank you, Donna Summer, for your wonderful disco songs! 

Baby Got Back

It's Hump Day!! The middle of the week. Half is gone, the first half that most people look at negatively, and the seemingly better half awaits.

I wouldn't say the first half of my week has been bad, but it has just been 'blah'. Having a hard time being very motivated to do much. So this morning, I definitely need a Get-Up-And-Move song. And this one comes with a funny memory too. BONUS!

In March of 2007, we made a little road trip to Texas. San Antonio again. FYI: I would like to move there. Anyways, a good friend of Justin and I was getting married so we made a little vacation out of it. I always enjoy weddings and especially the reception. At their reception, one of our friends, whom shall remain nameless at this time, got out on the dance floor and was shaking what his mama gave him. LOL. Alcohol may have been involved. Either way, watching him booty bumpin' with anyone out there on the dance floor gave us all a good laugh!

Flash forward 2 1/2 years and I am back in San Antonio, running my 1st half marathon. This song came on my iPod as I was running. It was at a time that I certainly needed a little boost and singing along and laughing again at the silly memory gave me just that.

Go and Shake That Healthy Butt!

Jump Back

Have you ever wanted to have your own catch phrase? Or maybe you do have one. I have words that I enjoy using a lot, but I don't think I have a catch phrase.

I recently saw a commercial for the remake of Footloose and was reminded that I still need to see it. It also reminded me of a wonderful time when I was staying in a hotel in San Antonio with my Lisa, Paige, and Jaeda.

Paige and I had stayed up later than the other 2 watching the original Footloose. We decided that we were going to bring back a phrase used in this movie. Jump Back. We tried for a while. When I hear those two words, I think back to that fun trip. And I excitedly try to put it into my vocabulary once more. :)

This is for you Paige!! JUMP BACK!!

Happy Birthday Jaeda!

I have many fond memories of singing and dancing with my sweet sister-in-laws. From weekend shopping trips to Denver, road trips to Texas, Vacations to Arizona, and our own random Dance Parties, I could have a whole playlist right here!!

I am going to go with a fun upbeat dance song for today. I can recall several wedding receptions where we busted out our moves for this song and sang at the top of our lungs, along with our own occasional dance parties in the living room.

Happy Birthday Jaeda!! Dance Away!! 

Happy Mother's Day

This is my 6th Mother's Day as a Mommy. As I shared in my musical post for today, I am in deed blessed with 3 beautiful children. 

I am blessed in another way when it comes to Mommy-hood; the amazing women who have taught me little lessons (and still are) about this role. After having my 2nd little bundle of joy, I quickly saw a side of me that I didn't like. I was certainly not the mommy I had envisioned being. I still struggle with that. BUT this is why I am so very Thankful for the women who walk along side me, reminding me that I am not alone, helping me see some of the unrealistic expectations I put on myself, and to cut myself some slack. 

In honor of Mother's Day, I thought I give a few shout-outs.

HI MOM!! Thank you for loving me and for being my friend. I have learned so many lessons watching you as I grew. I appreciate how whether you realize it or not, you remind me to slow down and enjoy my babies. I mean, I am going to be 30 this year and I find this hard to believe not because I care about age, but because I can remember you in your 30's! Time really does fly. I want to always remember to slow down and put my relationship with my kids before my 'to-do' list. I LOVE YOU!!

My Mother-In-Love, Lisa. I have been hanging around you and your family since I was 15 (almost half my life now!) so I have learned a lot from you too!! We've shared hard times, sad times, happy times, and super fun times. I am thankful for the crazy fun influence you have on me that truly reminds me to just have fun with my kids. Forks may leave small holes in lamp shades, pictures, and even foreheads, but should that stop us from enjoying a good fork fight? I think not. I LOVE YOU!

To the many other wonderfully wise women that have been placed along my journey: You may not have even thought that what you had to share was that important but it has stuck with me. I am not too proud to ask for advice or help when needed and I appreciate your tips :). I know I don't have all the answers and I am so very thankful for you who share your own struggles so that we might all learn and grow together!! Thank you for blessing me!!

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ALL THE BEAUTIFULLY FABULOUS MOTHER'S IN MY LIFE!!

Beautiful Gifts

I Love being a Mommy!! There are some moments that I close my door, crawl under the covers, and contemplate selling my kids, but the love never turns off.

I am so very blessed with 3 beautiful babies.

My Weseley is 6 and about to finish kindergarten. Time truly flies. He is such a sweet-heart and shares my love of learning.

Patrik, aka Tiko, is 4 (almost 5). He is strong-willed and quite stubborn. He is funny and tender-hearted.

Raia Jade. She is the baby. I was in shock that we were really having a girl. Even in labor I worried that all the ultra sounds had been wrong (she is the first girl in 25 years within Justin's immediate family). She is a diva princess and she knows it.

I remember how 'prepared' I was for my first. Had every nifty trinket they had at the time, I'm pretty sure. And since there was just him and I, I had plenty of time to sit and rock him and sing to him. I am often sadden by the fact that I didn't have that same 'time' with the 2nd and 3rd. I try and make up for it now though. :)

I would sing this song over and over to Weseley. And then to Patrik. And adapted it to Raia. I love Celine Dion's voice, making her cover of this John Lenon song a favorite lullaby of mine. I couldn't find and actual music video by her, so this is someone's recording of a live performance, but you can still hear the beautiful lyrics.

I am so very happy to be your Mommy and I LOVE YOU more than words can ever truly express, my Beautiful, Beautiful, Beautiful gifts from God!!

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!

Kid Day

Today's song post is simple. I feel in love with this silly song upon learning it in Weseley's Kindergarten class while spending his birthday with him. We had to teach the siblings when we came home :).

Warning: It may get stuck in your head!!

On The Catwalk

As I excitedly prepare to get dolled up to go to dinner and a fashion show with some fabulously fierce ladies tonight, I can't help but hum and dance to this song. I even found the best nail polish color today that goes with this song; Right Said Red! I cannot wait to see what fun memories will come out of tonight's fun!

This song holds another great memory for me though. I chose it as the song for my bridesmaids and I to dance to at our wedding. I even made up an entire routine to go with it!! I had so looked forward to it and was very quickly disappointed when my wedding photographer wanted to whisk me away for pictures with my husband. I insisted on dancing at least one verse!

Oh well, I can dance my routine any time I like now.

I'm off to shake my little tush while doing dishes.

My Sexy Farmer Boy

Today's song is dedicated to my Husband. He is such a hard working guy, no matter what the job or how much it pays (if at all). This quality was taught to him early on being a farm boy.

When we were dating in high school, he would often be helping in the fields, driving the tractor. Sometimes he would invite me to ride along. I don't think I ever did and not because I didn't want to, but due to timing. I would sing along to this song and think of him. I even included it on a mix tape I made him. Ah, the good ol days of mix tapes.

I am so blessed to have such a hard working husband!! And there is nothing sexier than a hard working man, providing for his family!!

Love You Justin!!

Let Go

A simple two-worded phrase. Let Go. It has been popping up in my life over the past 2 weeks; sometimes visually, sometimes audibly, sometimes a whisper, and sometimes a shout. 

It started (or at least I first paid attention) 2 Sundays ago with the purchase of a book. I read the intro and was immediately having one of those 'DUH' moments. You know the ones where you read or listen to someone else share something that you have known deep down but through their words, it finally actually clicks. The author was specifically addressing the need to LET GO of the life before kids. My life will never look the same as it did before. Even though there will come another time when it will be just Justin and I, it will not be the same as in the beginning. And that is OK!! He was also sharing how it is good and healthy to grieve as it is a loss. I needed to hear that.

Fast forward a week and I am driving home after our last Monday morning Bible Study before Summer Break. What an awesome time of sharing and loving each other it was. I was processing the things that had been shared and my thoughts quickly turned to a 'TO-DO' list; not a typical to-do, but one of changes I had been wrestling with making (know you NEED to change having a hard time LETTING GO). 

Let Go. It began quietly in between the changes I was mentally adding to the list. Let Go. Again and Again. Pretty soon, it was the only thing repeating in my head. LET GO LET GO LET GO LET GO LET GO!!!!. It was loud and seemed to be repeating faster. I found myself at the stop light before my house saying it out loud with tears running down my cheek. Not sad. Relief. Happiness. 

There are many things I am realizing that I am holding on to from the past that I need to Let Go of. I have loved the many reminders that keep popping up to keep me on the path to making change. Even this morning upon sitting down to write, I saw this little quote: 

"You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one." 

Of course I saw this quote on Facebook, which transitions me to the big change this week: Spring Cleaning of my Facebook page. All the advances in technology are great but have certainly helped us become more disconnected than connected, at least in the REAL world. I have come to see that there are many ways I use my Facebook page that simply waste my time and make me feel upset or angry, jealous and envious, etc. Yes. I am a stalker. But I am done. I am cleaning my lists to include the people actively involved in my life. Even now I shake as I hear the people-pleasing me in the distance, 'you will hurt feelings.' How ridiculous. This is about me taking care of me. 

Let Go. 

"No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead."  -  Philippians 3:13

Finding Strength in Trials

From the time I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to be a mommy. I loved helping in children's ministries and babysitting. I dreamed about the day when I would marry my prince and we would start a family of our own.

I remember health class. I remember having Sex Ed. I understood how babies come to be (FYI: not the stork). So, when Justin and I decided we were ready to add a baby to our lives, I just expected it to happen. And it did. We excitedly told everyone! Then I was at work, and things didn't seem right. I called my mother-in-love, went home early, and spent the next few days curled up in bed.

I don't remember learning about Miscarriages. I don't remember learning about any difficulties for that matter. As other friends around us got pregnant, my heart would cry.

We tried again. The stick said YES! We were more reserved with who we told. I am glad we were. 7 years ago today, I had my 2nd miscarriage. 2 within 6 months. So many emotions; confused, sad, angry, jealous. I hadn't done so after my first, but I chose names for my angel babies. Arin and Jese.

I have since been blessed with 3 beautiful and healthy babies. And I know I am blessed. I have many friends who have experienced the same pain and more. My heart aches for them.

Through each of my miscarriages, and pretty much all trials in my life, this song breaks me and encourages me at the same time. I would play it on repeat and just sob. Trying to truly believe the words in the dark times. I love that I would hear it when I needed to, whether in the car on the radio or during worship at a church.

How Great Is Our God! And since I grew up with the hymns, I love this version.

I am so thankful that no matter what, He is waiting with open arms for me.

The Song That Never Ends

What song did you think of when you read the title of this blog? For me, it isn't the 'traditional' one that actually contains those words. No, the song I am thinking of is the one I heard on the radio during the 'retro' lunch hour, which sparked this whole Musical May idea. 

Back in high school, there was a guy in my class named James. James liked this song. I mean, he really liked this song. He would sing it ALL. THE. TIME. It drove me crazy! 

Crazy? 

I was crazy once. They put me in a room. A white room. A white room with padded walls. It drove me CRAZY!! Crazy?....

Flashback moment. Sorry. One day in class, James was singing the song. Mind you, this song had a all the pieces needed to ensure it would be stuck in your head all day; a catchy beat and a simple phrase. One simple phrase that repeats, over and over and over and over and over and .... OK, a couple words change. 

Back to class. James was singing. Being the studious student I was, I just wanted to work in quiet, or at least hear a new song. So, I did what any sweet gal would do. I sang back. "Funk Soul Brother SHUT YOUR MOUTH NOW!!" Nice, right! Super creative I might add. :)

Yeah, you will see me bop along if this song is playing (it does have that catchy beat after all), but I can't sing along without including my clever line. ;)