Perception VS Reality

Perception: a - the act or faculty of apprehending by means of the senses or of the mind; cognition; understanding. b - immediate or intuitive recognition or appreciation, as of moral, psychological, or aesthetic qualities; insight; intuition; discernment.

Reality: a - a real thing or fact. b - the state or quality of being real.

I have been been pondering on these two words a lot over the past few weeks. How often do we confuse them? More often than we probably realize or want to admit. We each have our own life and each has its own ups and downs. As our paths cross with family, friends, acquaintances, etc., we decide what we will and will not share. On the opposite side, as we hear what these people in our lives share with us, we form a perception. These can be piled on top of other perceptions (along with expectations we bring with us, but that is another blog) and pretty soon we are looking through this 'lense' that we have created. This lense becomes our reality and we begin to interpret every action and word through it. It is much easier to make our own perceptions reality (selfishly thought) as they usually fit into our life better. If I look to know the real reality, I may not like how it makes me feel. And so we float along, looking at the world, at our relationships, and sometimes even ourselves through our self created perspective.

Personal example time. Four years ago, I was in the midst of a personal battle with postpartum  depression. I had an 18 month old and a 2 month old. I was not OK. But I didn't tell anyone that. I always wanted to be a mom and didn't even want to admit to myself that I was struggling. I simply put on my Happy Mask if I was around anyone and would just cry or scream to myself at home. I very quickly became angry and hurt as I felt that those I felt closest to didn't reach out to me(expectation). I had days where I wanted to die. I had days where I wanted to pack up a bag and run far away. The reality was that I was being fake, even with those closest to me, so how could I expect them to know the truth? The reality also was, that each of those people had their own lives happening and I wasn't being very supportive when they may have needed me either. I learned a lot about myself through that dark time and I came out on the other side a somewhat stronger person (also another blog at some point), and the things that I learned then I have been constantly working on.

A more recent example came just a few weeks ago when someone close to me shared how they felt  that I felt about them (their perception of me). It stung. It wasn't truth but ouch. My brain had already kinda been on this journey but as this person and I were talking, so many thoughts were flooding in on this topic. It definitely puts the phrase 'Walk a mile in my shoes' into a completely new perspective ;).

I know that there are numerous more examples because I am not perfect and I have screwed up in many ways. The biggest thing I took out of my dark era of postpartum depression was ME. Finally seeing who I was and not who everyone else had told me I was. I got a tattoo that says, "Free to Be Me" as a daily reminder to be real. And I really try. With that, I am striving to refocus my lenses and gain a better handle on perception vs. reality. Hold me to it won't ya?

Thanks for listening to my rambling! Happy Thursday!

Change: Take 2

I'm back. I love to write. I have realized that I have A LOT of thoughts running wildly through my head that I need to 'write' down so my mind can rest. I have been re-reminded of many things in the past couple months and I am excited to share. When I stared my blog, almost a year ago now, I wanted an outlet to share my thoughts, feelings, experiences, etc. with others in a more organized fashion. I wanted to be open and honest so that others could be encouraged and know that they are not alone. It is so easy for us to say, "I understand." or "I've been there." but if we can't openly share that experience with the person, how meaningful are those words?

So, I am back to making some more changes. As I mentioned in my previous post titled Change, it is an important and neccessary process to keep us moving forward. This past month has brought several "AH-HA" or 'lightbulb' moments; some that have been tough to hear or realize. However, I am seeing things differently and making the choices I need to to accept changes I need to make. These changes will help me be a healthier and better ME, in turn helping me be a better Mommy, Wife, Sister, Friend, etc.

The first thing I am working on changing is how I use my time. This will help make a few other changes happen a bit smoothly, but it has been difficult for me to start. Having one boy in kidergarten full time and another boy in preschool part time has given me quite the free-time availability; so much so that in the past 2 weeks, I have had no idea what to do with myself and this free time. I love schedules and organization but iniating such has become a bit more difficult with little ones, than when it was just me or even just my husband and I. But No More Excuses. I am not making time for things that I want to be important in my life (ie. growing in God's Word, prayer, exercising) or for hobbies/interests (ie. sewing and teaching sewing classes, blogging) I have and this needs to change. Therefore, Monday morning will mark the start of my new schedule; balancing time for me to take care of me and still take care of my home, family, and friends.

I am excited and look forward to sharing, the good and the bad, not only to help get things written down and off my mind, but also as encouragement to whoever else out there may need it. Happy Friday!!